SUNDAY: We were to start our very first Home Fellowship Group, Dale got called in to work, we had to cancel.
MONDAY: Dale started his first day of working Nights, Jeremiah fell and had to get NINE staples in the back of his head.
WEDNESDAY: After waiting in two different limited English speaking ER's with Shane for over 24 hours, with the other kids waiting in the HOT parking lot for 8 of those 24 hours- Shane finally had surgery at 6:30pm. Hospital policy would not let Cayte or any child under 12 in his room or even on his floor.
THURSDAY: We had purchased a package deal to enjoy a nice family retreat at a Resort in San Juan before all of the above went down. They wouldn't refund us the money so Caleb, Ian, Jeremiah, Cayte and I drove 2 hours after visiting Shane in the hospital (already 2 hours from our house), got lost in the mountains, cell phone died, baby screamed. Only to check out the next morning leaving our MAC computer with Caleb's school work on it along with his cell phone at the hotel. We didn't enjoy the amenities, not with Shane in the hospital and Jeremiah's head wound.
(Jeremiah enjoyed people watching while I packed)
FRIDAY: While visiting Shane in the hospital, I noticed that Jeremiah's staples were not looking so good. It took two nurses along with myself holding his strong little body down for the doc to finally get them out in the ER, only for them to recommend he be admitted for IV antibiotics due to an infection in the wound along with an abscess. I begged to try oral first given our situation, they agreed.
SATURDAY: Went to 4 different pharmacies trying to fill the antibiotics from Jeremiah, NOT ONE had it in stock. Caleb went to the beach with some friends and ended up coming home with over 15 sea urchins in his feet.
SUNDAY: Cayte and I came down with a sever THRUSH infection. Ripped Nipples on top of that, added to the fun!
.......Reflecting back on my HELL WEEK, each day felt so VERY heavy.
I cried. A lot.
Dale was at the hospital with Shane.
I was Alone. Confused. Frustrated. MAD!
I felt like each and every day that something ELSE happened I was physically/spiritually being SOCKED by the enemy. At the end of each of those days I longed for the comfort of my husbands arms around me.
I prayed every night that the Lord would spare DEATH from my family.
I felt like Job. Continually being hit with discouraging, heavy news.
This week I am thankful that the Lord carried me through the valley. That my small issues were just that, SMALL- considering what Job lost. Not once did I question if God was there with us in each and every issue that arose. Going through the Refiners Fire is PAINFUL! I had hope that there would be an END to this season. That we would be refined. Stronger and more beautiful than before. We just needed to keep seeking HIM regardless the weather.. He WOULD bring good from this craziness.. This is the speech I echoed to my boys throughout this week. But honestly, at the end of each day- I questioned my own pep talks. I earnestly wanted my children to believe in my words- yet didn't believe myself.
Pretty sure PRAYERS and BREASTFEEDING were the only things that kept me SOBER!! ;)
I did have my moments of not handling things Christ like. Pretty sure my Savior never uttered the F bomb.. I did. Too many times! I cursed Puerto Rico. I cursed the Devil. I cursed the traffic to and from the hospital. I tearfully apologized to my kids and husband daily!
Where the hell was the easy button?
Couldn't the Lord see I was waving the white flag. In my mind I was screaming- "I surrender, Lord. What is the lesson in this?" What are we doing so wrong to deserve a continual slamming of chaos and pain. I kept praying, "you have my attention Lord, what?!" And all I heard back...
Silence.
I don't think HELL WEEK was the Lord bringing correction. I think I was asking the wrong questions. During one of our hospital visits I was talking with Caleb about feeling like Job. And my sweet 13 year old ministered to me..
"Mom, Job's friends told him to curse God and die. That is what Satan is trying to get us to do! It's a test, Mom. He doesn't want us seeking God, He is trying to distracting us"
Man, I love that kid! Such wisdom..
I think it WAS a testing of our faith. Because up until that week things had been going pretty well- spiritually.
Dale and I were kneeling by the bed together every morning in prayer. Reading the word together, doing devotions with the boys. Getting ready to start a home group. This last week has brought the reminder of just how REAL that stupid ole' devil is. And it has also shown me just how HARD seeking Jesus is- regardless of our circumstances. Finding contentment in our Savior when you feel like you are drowning in a sea of chaos is freaking HARD.
H-A-R-D
Many said,
"Jen, you are so strong!"
"You have nerves of steel!"
"It's amazing how well you are holding up in all of this!"
I didn't respond. I didn't know what to say. Last week was a blur. I went through the motions of life- maintaining the basics. Straight up ROBOT mode.
The only answer that seems appropriate is the Messiah carried us through.
Carried ME through..
We made it through that week in HIS strength, mercy and grace!!!
Today, I am thankful.
- Another Sunday is coming, another attempt to have fellowship with like minded peeps.
- Neighbors and friends near and far stepped in and acted like family. BLESSED by those who checked in on us, Encouraged me with texts, made a meal, came to the hospital, let us borrow a car, helped translate, sent flowers, babysat.
- Jeremiah's responding well to the antibiotics and his wound is healing.
- The day after Shane's surgery I was folding laundry and started to weep. So many Mom's come home from the hospital and eventually pull laundry out of the dryer only to mourn a child that is no more. Shane is home from the hospital, no infection, arm still in tact. Bones will heal.
- The resort was a place to rest our heads. The kids enjoyed getting room service. And the maid was honest and turned in our computer and phone. They even shipped it back to us for free! Yay!
- The on base Doc made an exception and changed Jeremiah's script, on a Sat. so I could get it filled on base. The pharmacist came in on his day off to fill it right away. The sea urchins will eventually come out of Caleb's feet. (Prayers that they do!)
- Gentian Violet seemed to clear up the thrush. And I am really hoping my nipples heal QUICK. Tips Anyone?
- My husband is amazing and took the brunt of my CRAZY that came with this past week, and even though I would have liked one day with him home before he had to go back to work, I am thankful his job provides a roof, clothing, food, MEDICAL INSURANCE and so much more. And that when he kisses me goodbye, the scent of his aftershave lingers long after he's gone.
- Laughter.. And modern medicine. God's healing hand. All things to be thankful for.
