Saturday, June 15, 2013

A Season.

This July, we will be married 14 years.
This October will mark 14 years in the Coast Guard. 
We are currently on our fourth station. 
This house is our 12th home since being married.

I have rallied with each new move.. 
Each new station..
Each new curve ball that comes with being married to a military man. 

But this station.. 
I have yet to rally. 
I have yet to find my groove.
I am struggling.

What pisses me off the most is I can't put my finger on it.


Whatever IT is needs to leave. 
It was never invited to our 3 year tropical vacation.
It has created some serious self doubt.
It keeps trying to diluted what I have always known as truth.
It tries to rob me of my joy- daily. 
It whispers lies. 
It is no longer welcome. 

My kids are healthy. 
My husbands job provides more than we need.
An unexpected pregnancy turned into an amazing blessing of bringing home a beautiful daughter!!!

But seriously-  

This year has ROCKED me to my core! 

I guess we came into this tour with too many unrealistic expectations.
One too many curve balls thrown our way. 

I don't want to spend the next 2 years here barely surviving. I am tired of treading water. 
I am exhausted. I want to THRIVE here. I want my kids to reflect back on this tour and smile at all the cool experciences we had as a family.  I want to stop comparing this place to previous stations. 

I want a church to get plugged into. I NEED a place to feel connected.

I want REAL friends. I NEED real friends that come and drag me out of my house.  I want friends that look past Braless Mondays, Showerless Tuesdays, Shoot me it's only Wednesdays, Trashed House Thursdays, and Desperate to get through this day Fridays

I have AMAZZZZZING (off this island) lovely, supporting, encouraging, call me out, create special hashtags to remind me it's ok to be real with them- friends. But a girl needs a local support system too.

The alternative is booze and Oreos. Which will just make me fatter than I already am.

So if you are reading this...  Please pray that just the right friends would come along and pull me out of my funk and that Satan's whispers fall on deaf ears.. :) 

1 comment:

  1. Praying, Jen. Totally get it. Been there. Sometimes am there. Praying!!!